Sucking A Croc

I still can't move much

What with a whole melon in my mouth

Winnie took advantage of my stupor

And has Spent much of her time trying to distroy my croc

Just As Chris was trying to watch a re run of Yes Minister

Yawn

I once fell asleep on a bus in Sheffield with after a nursing shift, a mini pork pie in my mouth

I was so tired this morning, I suspect I would have dozed off with a whole melon in my gob

Working Night shifts in lovely weather is a twatt

Virgin Train......somewhere in the south ( edit)

Sums up the day nicely

I am on the train home, and nu has just sent me this photo from yesterday

I am trying to look busy as the woman behind me sounds like

She hires strippers for a living and is having a rather fruity conversation 

with one of her " girls" by the name of Lydia who has got herself lost on the way for an interview
At a hotel behind Tower Bridge!

The train guard is one of those that thinks he's hilarious

And keeps saying " Milk @ Beans" over the communication system

instead of "Milton Keynes "

What a wag

Knackered

It's 12.30 Friday morning

Well we nearly missed the bloody play cos Nuala  " forgot" just where the Garrick theatre was!
But as usual  she did have the luck of the Liverpudlian Irish in her and we galloped into our seats with just 30 seconds to spare.
The play was a cracker . Not quite as good as the film, but then you can forgive that , given the fact that the movie relied heavily at times with claustrophobic close ups of each of the jurors in turn.
The actors taking the meatier roles of the bigoted Juror number 10 and the angry Juror number 3 (  William Gaminara & Jeff Fahey respectively) were exceptionally good, as was a rather tired sounding Tom Conti in the Henry Fonda Role, but it was old Hollywood trooper Robert Vaughn playing the frail old ninth juror who comes to Conti's aid in his quest for justice, who almost steals the show. 
Juror number 9 has just one major speech a third of the way through the play, and it is a speech that Vaughn milks every bit of pathos out of and with a twinkle in the old eye.to boot
I really enjoyed it. 
And I loved catching up with Nu over a wonderful  meal in Dishoom, the Bombay cafe at Covent Garden
It's been a lovely and exhausting day..........

Time To Go

It's 10.14 am

The pea green trousers have been ironed

My new white shirt with the yachts on it is hanging up ready

Theatre tickets are in my wallet,

The birds are all fed and watered

The dogs walked

The cottage is tidy

I have a book to read for the journey

And I have clean underwear on just in case I'm flattened by a route master 

It's now 10.16 am
Time to check if I've packed Chris' oyster card

What time is my train?
I hear you ask

13.00!

"You say stuff like that to him again…I’m gonna lay you out."

Edward Binns (  Juror Number 6)

So snapped the principled juror number 6 to the bigoted and angry juror number 3 in Sidney Lumet's 1957 film 12 Angry Men. 

I loved this movie. And I loved the way that bad tempered bully Lee J Cobb got slapped down by the ordinary Edward Binns.

It had a profound effect on my 13 year old psychi when I first saw the movie on television...for 12 Angry Men is a celebration of quiet deliberation beating a bully, of liberal values beating bigotry and of striving to always trying " to do the right thing"

Tomorrow I am off to London to see almost the final performance of the play at the  Garrick Theatre with Nuala. It's a flying visit as I am working night shift on Friday, but I hope to squeeze in an hour at the British Museum before I meet her.
I have promised myself a visit for ages.

Nipples

I was a bit naughty this morning......I took the welsh terriers to the vet for their booster vaccinations and sneakily took Winifred into the surgery with me because  as I said " I didn't want her to be left in the car - she's an expensive dog"
There was method in my madness
As William and Meg stood sweetly for their jabs and that awful kennel cough squirt up the nose, Winnie gazed up at the pretty Irish vet all goo- goo eyed and hopeful for kiss.......
Eventually the vet ( who had a charmingly natural approach with the dogs - and who swore just a little , like most native Irish folk do) succumbed to Winnie's advances and " made a fuss"
As she did so. I asked her to give the bulldog a quick health check, knowing full well that I wouldn't be charged for it.
Result
Apparently Winnie is in A1 health and has ( interestingly ?) an exceptionally large vulva
Meg looks like a young welsh terrier rather than a nine year old bitch
And William has " lovely teeth"
I told the Irish vet of Winnie's bath time adventures of Monday
And She laughed a throaty attractive laugh
" If I had fallen into a hot bath....I would have shat myself too with nipples like hers!" She chortled

I had to think about that one.

A Lady Beldon Day

It's going to be a more civilised day today

Already the weather looks promising

I have cut roses from the garden before breakfast

and the only " booked" job so far

Is a trip to Mrs Trellis' neat little bungalow in order

to change her lightbulbs 

Answers On A Postcard

Can someone out there make me a Yoda outfit for a bulldog?
Perhaps we can enter it in the Trelawnyd Flower Show Craft Section

Email me

Btw

I have smelt of dettol all day

Beware the water

Warning explicit photos in text

After dropping Chris off for the Glasgow train, I walked the dogs in the rain, collected animal feed 

and returned home to clear the decks before before driving up to Denbigh to see the George Clooney vet about Welsh Terrier vaccination boosters .

There was enough hot water in the " tank"

So I treated myself to a crafty and luxuriously hot soak in the tub.

( even I can be seduced by a Joan Crawford bubble bath)

I was just closing my eyes to radio 4's " book of the week"

When heavy and scratching footsteps could be heard on the Lino 

A second later a big nonplussed face appeared over the rim of the bath 

and Winnie gave me one of her " kiss me now" looks.

I should have seen the signs

For as I dozed to Rebecca Front's chocolate tones ignoring the "face" 

Winnie unexpectedly launched herself into the bath.

I don't think for an instant that she realised that there was very VERY hot soapy water lurking there

I just think she got carried away with the bulldog idea of smooching, but nevertheless all 26 kilos of her slithered over the rim of the bath as she clambered onto me.

What happened next was all a bit of a blur.

I screamed a great deal, she grunted in a rather surprised and rather shocked way and a great deal of water left the bath amid bellows of " GET OFF ME YOU FAT BASTARD"

A few seconds later it was all over.  Wide eyed Winnie had leapt out  and had run for the safety of the bedroom and I sat in a half filled bath , winded and  covered with bruises.

I didn't move for a couple of seconds and caught my breath

Then I looked down towards the tap end

And something bumped my calf gently

Yes

OMG

Yes

A half submerged jelly fish like flotilla of bulldog turd

How's that for a shit post .?

Scotch Egg Heaven

When Chris was at Church this afternoon

I fell asleep in the armchair

Around four pm I was woken up 

By a knock on the door

It was policeman Ian from High Street 

With a single quails egg scotch egg

Wrapped in a small square of baking parchment 

He had baked his first egg and wanted an expert's view on it

10/10

Nectar of the gods

Bastard Softens

How does that old " nobody & Somebody" Frank Sinatra go again?

I can't really remember it 

It's a bit before my time

I've just had to YouTube it

Anyhow it reminds me of something I have just seen this afternoon

The aggressive SONOFABITCH " The Bastard" has finally been adopted by four old girls from the pensioner hen house on the far western periphery of the Ukrainian village and has 

Settled down  as nicely as Liberace would have done in a cherub making  factory.

As meek as a lamb, the little cockerel now totters sweetly after his bitches

All Happy, quiet and self confident 

Content in the fact he's finally found a home

Sinatra was right

" you're nobody unless somebody loves you"

Bastard follows his bitches

What with born again Christians, a knackering work shift, bulldogs with the shits

and the like

It's nice to have a happy story this weekend